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When I initially came to be a mother, I knew that I wanted to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Sleep Associations
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about dealing with power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they discovered in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to understand that, while no person is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Sleep Associations
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Sleep Associations
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I began reading blogs regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, extreme punishments as well as virtually every other generally approved parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts cause healthy child development Sleep Associations
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had experienced firsthand how being the “mean dad” might appear to help temporarily. But in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and also finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Sleep Associations
Let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Sleep Associations
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the fact that cooperation consistently yields better lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have actually figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-restraint
• Going deeper than simple outward conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s how I was parented, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Sleep Associations
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often much easier (and much more usual in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can get a whole lot further towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you and me. And also often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Sleep Associations
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from happy one minute to complete tantrum the next. Instead of fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a key feeling under it
• The majority of angry children are in fact frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that need to be addressed initially. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough due to the fact that you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The point is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next scenario … Sleep Associations
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we intend to obtain from our child, we should agree to give first. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult merely due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or dad, you can set the standard and also show your teenager that you value their opinion, and you respect them as an individual. Sleep Associations
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. Yet it does suggest you can be kind despite conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teenager to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Sleep Associations
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any person to settle the problem. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Sleep Associations
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to fix conflict, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers could be curious about my husband, Antonio, as well as his two teen boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and also the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Sleep Associations
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mommy or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Sleep Associations
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. Sleep Associations
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