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When I initially became a mama, I understood that I intended to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Spamking
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding dealing with power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they discovered in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to understand that, while no one is perfect, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I became a mom.Spamking
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Spamking
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I started reading blog posts regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and also basically every other traditionally approved parenting technique.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles result in healthy child development Spamking
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually experienced firsthand just how being the “mean father” might seem to benefit for the moment. However long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his history as well as learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Spamking
First, let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they want Spamking
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the reality that collaboration consistently produces better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they do not … After all, what happens when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than plain outside compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Spamking
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically widely accepted (and a lot more typical in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a lot farther towards solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you and me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Spamking
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from joyful one moment to major tantrum the next. Rather than fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a key feeling below it
• The majority of mad children are actually scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be met initially. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on meeting that big need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset since I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s tough due to the fact that you genuinely wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to permit him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next example … Spamking
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to get from our child, we must be eager to give. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen simply since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or dad, you can set the example and show your teenager that you value their opinion, as well as you respect them as a person. Spamking
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our young adult to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Spamking
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anyone to deal with the conflict. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Spamking
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve conflict, as well as even just how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and also his two adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So how can you become a positive parent? Spamking
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t think how much you have actually altered, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any person who is serious about becoming a much more positive mommy or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Spamking
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Spamking
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