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When I first came to be a mom, I understood that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, however they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Spank Discipline
There were a few books on our shelf regarding handling power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they learned in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to realize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mom.Spank Discipline
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Spank Discipline
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I started checking out blog posts about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, severe punishments and also virtually every other typically accepted parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles cause healthy and balanced child development Spank Discipline
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had witnessed firsthand how being the “mean father” may appear to benefit for the moment. Yet in the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his background as well as finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Spank Discipline
Initially, let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Offering your children every little thing they ask for Spank Discipline
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the truth that collaboration consistently generates much better lasting results than harsh control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have actually learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they do not … After all, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere outward conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s how I was raised, and I just had no framework for anything different. Spank Discipline
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Discover the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically widely accepted (and also more usual in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal farther toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you and also me. And often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Spank Discipline
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete tantrum the next. So instead of dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a main emotion underneath it
• A lot of upset children are really frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that need to be met first. For example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s tough because you truly want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The goal is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following example … Spank Discipline
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to get from our child, we must be ready to offer. If I am impolite, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult just because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the example as well as show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, as well as you value them as an individual. Spank Discipline
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Spank Discipline
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any person to settle the problem. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Spank Discipline
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to deal with disputes, as well as even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Spank Discipline
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anyone that is serious about becoming a much more positive mother or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Spank Discipline
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Spank Discipline
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.