Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially became a mama, I recognized that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Spank, Slap, Or Hit? How Labels Alter Perceptions Of Child Discipline
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding dealing with power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to realize that, while no person is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Spank, Slap, Or Hit? How Labels Alter Perceptions Of Child Discipline
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Spank, Slap, Or Hit? How Labels Alter Perceptions Of Child Discipline
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I began checking out blog posts regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, severe punishments as well as practically every other generally approved parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these concepts lead to healthy and balanced child development Spank, Slap, Or Hit? How Labels Alter Perceptions Of Child Discipline
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had observed firsthand just how being the “mean father” might appear to help for the moment. But long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his history and finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Spank, Slap, Or Hit? How Labels Alter Perceptions Of Child Discipline
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they want Spank, Slap, Or Hit? How Labels Alter Perceptions Of Child Discipline
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the truth that cooperation always produces better lasting results than strict control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain exterior conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Spank, Slap, Or Hit? How Labels Alter Perceptions Of Child Discipline
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Discover the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s commonly easier (and also more usual in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can get a great deal more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you as well as me. And often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Spank, Slap, Or Hit? How Labels Alter Perceptions Of Child Discipline
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from delighted one moment to major meltdown the next. So as opposed to battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a main emotion under it
• Many mad children are really frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that should be addressed initially. For example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on meeting that large need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult since you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next scenario … Spank, Slap, Or Hit? How Labels Alter Perceptions Of Child Discipline
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to get from our child, we need to be prepared to offer. If I am rude, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult just due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, and also you appreciate them as a person. Spank, Slap, Or Hit? How Labels Alter Perceptions Of Child Discipline
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Spank, Slap, Or Hit? How Labels Alter Perceptions Of Child Discipline
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just recently, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any person to resolve the problem. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Spank, Slap, Or Hit? How Labels Alter Perceptions Of Child Discipline
Since we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to solve disputes, and also even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my other half, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Spank, Slap, Or Hit? How Labels Alter Perceptions Of Child Discipline
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old ways. Yet bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually changed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual that is serious about becoming an extra positive mother or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Spank, Slap, Or Hit? How Labels Alter Perceptions Of Child Discipline
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. Spank, Slap, Or Hit? How Labels Alter Perceptions Of Child Discipline
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.