Spanked Children Stories – Exactly How I Applied Positive Parenting to Ultimately Get My Kids to Listen

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Spanked Children Stories
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first came to be a mommy, I recognized that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Spanked Children Stories

There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning managing power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”

I’m not exactly sure exactly what they learned in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.

It was a challenging number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to understand that, while no one is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I became a mother.Spanked Children Stories

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Spanked Children Stories

My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I started reading blog posts concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and also practically every other generally accepted parenting strategy.

I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs met. I found out about:

• Problem-solving

• Resolving power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• How all of these ideas lead to healthy and balanced child development Spanked Children Stories

Spanked Children Stories

In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean father” could seem to help temporarily. But long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.

Given his history and also finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Spanked Children Stories

First, let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Letting your kids run wild

• Being a lazy parent

• Ignoring significant misbehavior

• Giving your children whatever they ask for Spanked Children Stories

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”

• Having no boundaries

You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the truth that collaboration always generates far better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.

Moms and dads who adopt this concept have figured out how to cultivate:

• Common respect

• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)

• Establishing healthy limits

• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals

Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?

• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued

• Assisting kids to establish self-discipline

• Going much deeper than simple outside compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Spanked Children Stories

I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.

Here are a number of the methods Amy reveals to assist you to become the mama or daddy you’ve always wanted to be, and also assist your child to reach his or her full potential.

Discover the root of the behavior

I mentioned this is deep. It’s often simpler (and much more usual in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.

We can progress a lot more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you and also me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Spanked Children Stories

As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from delighted one minute to major meltdown the next. So rather than dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:

• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a main feeling beneath it

• Many upset children are really frightened and/or sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be addressed first. For instance, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that large need first.

• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough due to the fact that you truly want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.

• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and also say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.

Keep In Mind the Golden Rule

I told you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our next example … Spanked Children Stories

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to obtain from our child, we have to be eager to provide. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen just because I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?

It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the example and communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, and also you value them as a person. Spanked Children Stories

This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.

In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our young adult to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Spanked Children Stories

Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …

Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.

They made up, hugged and begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anybody to deal with the problem. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Spanked Children Stories

Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to settle conflict, as well as even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.

Some readers might be curious about my husband, Antonio, and also his 2 teen boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.

So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Spanked Children Stories

This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old parenting style. However little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.

I recommend anybody that is serious about growing to be a more positive mama or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Spanked Children Stories

You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.

In her free class, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. Spanked Children Stories


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