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When I first came to be a mommy, I understood that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. Spankinf
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning managing power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to realize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Spankinf
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Spankinf
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I started checking out material about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and also practically every other commonly accepted parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts lead to healthy and balanced child development Spankinf
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could seem to benefit for the moment. However long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his history and learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Spankinf
Initially, let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they want Spankinf
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the fact that collaboration always generates much better lasting results than strict control.
Parents that adopt this design have learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than mere exterior conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Spankinf
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Identify the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often much easier (and a lot more typical in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal more towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you and also me. And most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Spankinf
As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet matured. That means they can go from happy one minute to major tantrum the next. So as opposed to combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a main emotion below it
• The majority of upset children are really scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that should be met initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on meeting that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s hard because you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our following scenario … Spankinf
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to obtain from our child, we have to be ready to provide. If I am rude, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager simply since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or dad, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, and you value them as an individual. Spankinf
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. Yet it does imply you can be kind when faced with problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Spankinf
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anybody to resolve the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Spankinf
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to resolve disputes, as well as even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and his two teen sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Spankinf
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to change your old way of life. However little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t think how much you have actually altered, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mom or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Spankinf
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. Spankinf
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