Spanking Debates – Just How I Applied Positive Parenting to At Long Last Get My Kids to Listen

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Spanking Debates
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first came to be a mommy, I recognized that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Spanking Debates

There were a few books on our shelf regarding taking care of power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”

I’m uncertain just what they learned in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.

It was a challenging number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to recognize that, while no one is without fault, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Spanking Debates

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Spanking Debates

My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I began reading blog posts concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and also virtually every other generally approved parenting method.

I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:

• Problem-solving

• Dealing with power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Exactly how every one of these concepts lead to healthy child development Spanking Debates

Spanking Debates

Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had seen firsthand just how being the “mean father” could seem to work for the moment. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child connection.

Considering his history as well as learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and employing positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Spanking Debates

Let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want

• Being a passive parent

• Disregarding major misbehavior

• Providing your children everything they ask for Spanking Debates

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”

• Having no boundaries

You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the fact that collaboration always produces much better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.

Parents that embrace this design have actually figured out how to cultivate:

• Common respect

• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)

• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries

• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities

Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they don’t … After all, what takes place when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?

• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued

• Helping kids to establish self-discipline

• Going deeper than simple outside compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Spanking Debates

I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.

Here are a couple of the methods Amy shares to encourage you to become the mommy or daddy you have actually always wanted to be, and encourage your child to reach his or her full potential.

Identify the root of the misbehavior

I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often easier (as well as more usual in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.

We can get a lot more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you and also me. And many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Spanking Debates

A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one minute to major meltdown the next. So instead of dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Young children have little self-control to begin with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a primary feeling underneath it

• Many upset children are in fact frightened and/or sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that must be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on addressing that large need first.

• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad because I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s hard since you genuinely really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.

• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The objective is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.

Keep In Mind the Golden Rule

I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following scenario … Spanking Debates

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to get from our child, we need to be willing to provide. If I am discourteous, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult simply due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?

It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or dad, you can set the standard and also show your teenager that you value their point of view, as well as you respect them as an individual. Spanking Debates

This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.

In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Spanking Debates

Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …

Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the stolen sticker, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.

They made up, embraced and begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anyone to settle the conflict. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Spanking Debates

Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to settle disputes, and even how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.

Some readers may be curious about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his two teen boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.

So how can you become a positive parent? Spanking Debates

This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t think how much you’ve altered, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.

I recommend any individual that is serious about coming to be a more positive mom or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Spanking Debates

You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.

In her totally free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Spanking Debates


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