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When I initially came to be a mommy, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Spanking Switch
There were a few books on our shelf concerning handling power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a hard period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to realize that, while no person is perfect, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Spanking Switch
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Spanking Switch
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I began reviewing blogs concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and virtually every other generally approved parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs met. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these principles cause healthy child development Spanking Switch
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean father” could appear to help temporarily. However long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his history and finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Spanking Switch
Let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Providing your children whatever they want Spanking Switch
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the reality that collaboration consistently yields better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have actually learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they don’t … After all, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to develop self-control
• Going deeper than simple exterior conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Spanking Switch
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s frequently simpler (as well as a lot more usual in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot farther toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you and also me. And frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Spanking Switch
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from joyful one moment to complete meltdown the next. So rather than fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a main emotion underneath it
• A lot of angry children are in fact scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be addressed first. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on addressing that large need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad since I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult since you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The intent is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following example … Spanking Switch
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to obtain from our child, we should be ready to give. If I am discourteous, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen just due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or dad, you can set the example and also show your teen that you value their point of view, and you respect them as a person. Spanking Switch
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Spanking Switch
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate any individual to resolve the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Spanking Switch
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve conflict, and even just how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be curious about my other half, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? Spanking Switch
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to change your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve altered, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anybody that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mommy or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Spanking Switch
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. Spanking Switch
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