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When I initially became a mother, I understood that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. Spanking Switches
There were a few books on our shelf regarding handling power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they found out in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a tough number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.Spanking Switches
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Spanking Switches
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began checking out articles about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and also basically every other commonly approved parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these concepts lead to healthy child development Spanking Switches
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might appear to work temporarily. In the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his background and also learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Spanking Switches
Let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they want Spanking Switches
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the fact that collaboration consistently yields much better long-term results than strict control.
Moms and dads who embrace this design have learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than simple outside compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as screaming. That’s just how I was parented, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Spanking Switches
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Find the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s typically much easier (and also more usual in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot farther towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you and also me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Spanking Switches
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet formed. That means they can go from delighted one moment to major tantrum the next. Instead of dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a primary emotion below it
• The majority of angry children are actually frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that should be met first. For instance, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that large need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really upset because I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s tough since you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The point is to enable him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following scenario … Spanking Switches
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we wish to receive from our child, we have to be willing to provide before anyone else. If I am impolite, controlling and sarcastic to my teen just due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example and show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, as well as you value them as an individual. Spanking Switches
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. However it does indicate you can be kind despite disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Spanking Switches
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the swiped sticker, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any person to solve the conflict. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Spanking Switches
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to fix conflict, and also even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be curious about my other half, Antonio, as well as his two teenage boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
How can you become a positive parent? Spanking Switches
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to transform your old parenting style. However gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you have actually changed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anyone who is serious about growing to be a much more positive mommy or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Spanking Switches
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. Spanking Switches
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