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When I first came to be a mother, I knew that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, however they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Spanking Your Daughter
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding managing power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they learned in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to recognize that, while no one is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Spanking Your Daughter
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Spanking Your Daughter
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started reviewing material about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and basically every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas cause healthy child development Spanking Your Daughter
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could seem to help temporarily. Long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his background and also finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Spanking Your Daughter
Let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they ask for Spanking Your Daughter
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the truth that cooperation always generates better long-term results than strict control.
Parents who adopt this design have figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what takes place when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain outside compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Spanking Your Daughter
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Right here are a couple of the techniques Amy teaches to assist you to evolve into the mom or daddy you have actually always wished to be, as well as encourage your child to reach his or her complete potential.
Discover the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually much easier (and also much more usual in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
However we can get a lot more toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you as well as me. And also many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Spanking Your Daughter
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from delighted one moment to major meltdown the next. Rather than dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a main emotion beneath it
• Many angry children are really frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be met first. For example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on meeting that large need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s hard because you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following scenario … Spanking Your Daughter
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to receive from our child, we should be willing to give. If I am discourteous, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen just because I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or dad, you can set the standard and communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, and you respect them as a person. Spanking Your Daughter
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. But it does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the primary step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Spanking Your Daughter
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anybody to resolve the problem. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Spanking Your Daughter
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to fix disputes, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers may be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Spanking Your Daughter
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to change your old parenting style. However bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual who is serious about becoming a much more positive mother or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Spanking Your Daughter
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button below. Spanking Your Daughter
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