Spankong – Just How I Used Positive Parenting to Finally Get My Kids to Listen

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Spankong
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first came to be a mommy, I understood that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Spankong

There were a few books on our bookshelf about handling power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”

I’m uncertain exactly what they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.

It was a hard number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to understand that, while no one is without fault, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I became a mom.Spankong

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Spankong

My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I began reading material about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and virtually every other generally accepted parenting strategy.

I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs met. I learned about:

• Problem-solving

• Handling power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• How every one of these concepts bring about healthy child development Spankong

Spankong

In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” might appear to benefit temporarily. However long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child connection.

Considering his history and also learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and employing positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting mean anyway? Spankong

Let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to run wild

• Being a lazy parent

• Disregarding significant misbehavior

• Offering your children everything they want Spankong

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”

• Having no limitations

You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the fact that collaboration always yields better lasting results than strict control.

Parents that adopt this concept have learned to foster:

• Shared respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)

• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries

• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals

Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they do not … After all, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?

• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued

• Encouraging kids to develop self-discipline

• Going deeper than plain external conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Spankong

I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.

Below are a number of the strategies Amy reveals to help you to become the mom or father you have actually always wanted to be, as well as assist your child to reach his or her full potential.

Find the root of the behavior

I mentioned this is deep. It’s usually easier (and also a lot more usual in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.

However we can progress a whole lot more toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you and me. And often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Spankong

A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete tantrum the next. Rather than dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Toddlers have little self-control to start with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a primary emotion under it

• The majority of upset children are in fact frightened and/or sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be addressed first. For example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on meeting that large need initially.

• Validate his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really upset due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard since you truly really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.

• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.

Remember the Golden Rule

I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next example … Spankong

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we intend to obtain from our child, we have to agree to offer first. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen simply since I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?

It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the example and show your teen that you value their opinion, and you respect them as an individual. Spankong

This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.

In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with more regard, the very first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Spankong

Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …

Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.

They made up, embraced and started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anyone to settle the problem. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Spankong

Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to solve disputes, as well as even how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.

Some visitors could be curious about my other half, Antonio, and also his two teenage sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.

So how can you become a positive parent? Spankong

This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to transform your old parenting style. But bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.

I suggest anybody who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mother or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Spankong

You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.

In her totally free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Spankong


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