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When I first came to be a mommy, I knew that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Spirited Toddler Discipline
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they found out in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to understand that, while no one is perfect, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Spirited Toddler Discipline
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Spirited Toddler Discipline
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I started reviewing material regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, extreme punishments as well as basically every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas cause healthy child development Spirited Toddler Discipline
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually observed firsthand how being the “mean dad” might appear to work for the moment. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his background and also finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Spirited Toddler Discipline
Let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they want Spirited Toddler Discipline
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the truth that cooperation always yields better long-lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads who embrace this design have actually learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they don’t … Besides, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than plain external compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Spirited Toddler Discipline
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Get to the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s commonly widely accepted (as well as more usual in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a great deal further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you as well as me. And also most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Spirited Toddler Discipline
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from happy one minute to complete meltdown the next. Rather than battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a main feeling beneath it
• Most upset children are in fact scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that need to be addressed first. As an example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really angry because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s difficult because you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The point is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next example … Spirited Toddler Discipline
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to get from our child, we must be eager to provide. If I am rude, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager simply since I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or dad, you can set the example and show your teenager that you value their point of view, and also you respect them as a person. Spirited Toddler Discipline
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. But it does indicate you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Spirited Toddler Discipline
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the swiped sticker, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any person to solve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Spirited Toddler Discipline
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to resolve conflict, and also even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers may be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, and the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Spirited Toddler Discipline
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to transform your old ways. However bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve transformed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anyone that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mom or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Spirited Toddler Discipline
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. Spirited Toddler Discipline
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