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When I initially became a mom, I knew that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Stages Of Parenting
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about taking care of power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Stages Of Parenting
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Stages Of Parenting
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I started checking out blog posts regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, severe punishments and also basically every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles result in healthy child development Stages Of Parenting
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may appear to work for the moment. Long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his background and also finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Stages Of Parenting
Let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Offering your children whatever they want Stages Of Parenting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the truth that collaboration always yields much better long-term results than harsh control.
Parents who embrace this concept have figured out how to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-restraint
• Going deeper than plain outside compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Stages Of Parenting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Discover the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s often simpler (and also much more common in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot farther towards solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you as well as me. And also often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Stages Of Parenting
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from delighted one moment to complete meltdown the next. Instead of fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a main emotion beneath it
• Most angry children are in fact scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be addressed first. For example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on addressing that large need initially.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad since I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult since you truly wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next example … Stages Of Parenting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we intend to get from our child, we must be willing to give first. If I am disrespectful, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult merely due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the example and show your teen that you value their point of view, and also you appreciate them as a person. Stages Of Parenting
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teen to treat us with more respect, the first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Stages Of Parenting
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anybody to fix the problem. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Stages Of Parenting
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to settle conflict, as well as even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers could be curious about my partner, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? Stages Of Parenting
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not think how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mom or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Stages Of Parenting
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. Stages Of Parenting
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.