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When I first became a mommy, I recognized that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Staying Connected To Your Teenager
There were a few books on our shelf about managing power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they discovered in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to understand that, while no person is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I became a mother.Staying Connected To Your Teenager
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Staying Connected To Your Teenager
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started reviewing articles regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and also virtually every other generally approved parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs met. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these principles bring about healthy and balanced child development Staying Connected To Your Teenager
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually observed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might appear to work temporarily. In the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his history and finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Staying Connected To Your Teenager
First, let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they ask for Staying Connected To Your Teenager
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the fact that collaboration always produces far better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have actually learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going much deeper than simple outward compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Staying Connected To Your Teenager
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Get to the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly much easier (and also extra common in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a great deal farther toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you and also me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Staying Connected To Your Teenager
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from delighted one minute to complete meltdown the next. So instead of combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a key emotion beneath it
• The majority of angry children are really scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that must be addressed first. As an example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on addressing that big need initially.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really mad due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult due to the fact that you genuinely want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The point is to allow him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following scenario … Staying Connected To Your Teenager
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to get from our child, we have to be willing to give first. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager simply since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the example and also show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and also you respect them as a person. Staying Connected To Your Teenager
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the very first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Staying Connected To Your Teenager
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anyone to resolve the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Staying Connected To Your Teenager
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to solve disputes, as well as even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my other half, Antonio, as well as his two teen sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? Staying Connected To Your Teenager
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to change your old parenting style. However little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not think just how much you’ve changed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any person that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mom or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Staying Connected To Your Teenager
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Staying Connected To Your Teenager
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