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When I initially came to be a mother, I recognized that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Stefan Molyneux Peaceful Parenting Willfullness
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning dealing with power struggles, just how to control the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they discovered in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to realize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mom.Stefan Molyneux Peaceful Parenting Willfullness
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Stefan Molyneux Peaceful Parenting Willfullness
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I started checking out articles about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and virtually every other typically accepted parenting technique.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts result in healthy and balanced child development Stefan Molyneux Peaceful Parenting Willfullness
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might appear to help for the moment. Yet long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Stefan Molyneux Peaceful Parenting Willfullness
Let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they want Stefan Molyneux Peaceful Parenting Willfullness
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the fact that collaboration consistently produces better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain exterior conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Stefan Molyneux Peaceful Parenting Willfullness
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Get to the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s typically widely accepted (and also extra typical in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
However we can progress a lot more towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you and me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Stefan Molyneux Peaceful Parenting Willfullness
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet matured. That means they can go from happy one moment to major meltdown the next. Rather than fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a main emotion under it
• The majority of upset children are in fact frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be met first. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on meeting that large need first.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult since you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The objective is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next scenario … Stefan Molyneux Peaceful Parenting Willfullness
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we intend to obtain from our child, we need to be willing to give first. If I am rude, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult just since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or father, you can set the standard and also show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and also you value them as an individual. Stefan Molyneux Peaceful Parenting Willfullness
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Stefan Molyneux Peaceful Parenting Willfullness
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anybody to fix the problem. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Stefan Molyneux Peaceful Parenting Willfullness
Since we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to resolve disputes, and also even how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be curious about my partner, Antonio, and his two teen boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Stefan Molyneux Peaceful Parenting Willfullness
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually changed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual who is serious about becoming a much more positive mother or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Stefan Molyneux Peaceful Parenting Willfullness
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button below. Stefan Molyneux Peaceful Parenting Willfullness
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