Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially became a mom, I understood that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Stefan Molyneux Peaceful Parenting
There were a couple of books on our shelf about handling power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they found out in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no one is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Stefan Molyneux Peaceful Parenting
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Stefan Molyneux Peaceful Parenting
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I started reviewing articles concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and pretty much every other commonly accepted parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts result in healthy and balanced child development Stefan Molyneux Peaceful Parenting
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had witnessed firsthand how being the “mean father” may seem to work temporarily. Long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his background and also finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Stefan Molyneux Peaceful Parenting
Let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Offering your children every little thing they want Stefan Molyneux Peaceful Parenting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the reality that cooperation always generates far better lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have actually figured out how to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than simple outside conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Stefan Molyneux Peaceful Parenting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Get to the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s frequently easier (and also much more typical in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a great deal farther toward solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you and also me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Stefan Molyneux Peaceful Parenting
For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet formed. That means they can go from joyful one minute to major meltdown the next. So as opposed to dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a primary emotion underneath it
• The majority of mad children are actually scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on meeting that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard because you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next example … Stefan Molyneux Peaceful Parenting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to get from our child, we must be ready to provide. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult simply because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the example and also communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, and you appreciate them as an individual. Stefan Molyneux Peaceful Parenting
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Stefan Molyneux Peaceful Parenting
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate any individual to resolve the dispute. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Stefan Molyneux Peaceful Parenting
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to settle conflict, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and his two teen sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Stefan Molyneux Peaceful Parenting
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any person that is serious about becoming an extra positive mommy or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Stefan Molyneux Peaceful Parenting
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Stefan Molyneux Peaceful Parenting
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.