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When I initially became a mama, I understood that I intended to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they really did not have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Stop Sibling Fighting
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a hard period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to recognize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Stop Sibling Fighting
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Stop Sibling Fighting
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I started reviewing material about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, shouting, severe punishments and basically every other generally accepted parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles bring about healthy and balanced child development Stop Sibling Fighting
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean father” may seem to help for the moment. Long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his history and finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Stop Sibling Fighting
Let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they want Stop Sibling Fighting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the reality that cooperation consistently generates much better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they do not … Besides, what occurs when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple outward compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Stop Sibling Fighting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Find the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s frequently widely accepted (and more common in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you and also me. And many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Stop Sibling Fighting
For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from happy one minute to major tantrum the next. Rather than battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a main emotion below it
• Many mad children are in fact scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that should be met first. As an example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that large need first.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s tough because you genuinely want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next example … Stop Sibling Fighting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to receive from our child, we should be ready to give. If I am discourteous, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen just due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or dad, you can set the standard and also communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and you appreciate them as a person. Stop Sibling Fighting
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Stop Sibling Fighting
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the swiped sticker, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anyone to settle the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Stop Sibling Fighting
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to solve conflict, as well as even how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers may be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Stop Sibling Fighting
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old ways. Yet little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve altered, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise any individual that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mom or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Stop Sibling Fighting
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Stop Sibling Fighting
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.