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When I first became a mother, I recognized that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Stop Siblings Fighting
There were a few books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they found out in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to understand that, while no person is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mother.Stop Siblings Fighting
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Stop Siblings Fighting
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started reading blog posts about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, severe punishments and also pretty much every other typically accepted parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these principles lead to healthy and balanced child development Stop Siblings Fighting
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could seem to work for the moment. Yet in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his background and finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Stop Siblings Fighting
Let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Offering your children whatever they want Stop Siblings Fighting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the reality that cooperation consistently yields far better long-lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have actually learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what occurs when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple outside compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Stop Siblings Fighting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s usually simpler (and more common in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a lot farther towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you and me. And also most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Stop Siblings Fighting
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete tantrum the next. So rather than fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a primary feeling under it
• Many upset children are really frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that must be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really upset since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough since you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and also say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The objective is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following scenario … Stop Siblings Fighting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to receive from our child, we must be ready to offer. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager just because I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or dad, you can set the standard and show your teenager that you value their opinion, and also you value them as a person. Stop Siblings Fighting
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. But it does indicate you can be kind despite problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Stop Siblings Fighting
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the stolen sticker, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any individual to fix the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Stop Siblings Fighting
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with conflict, and also even how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers may be wondering about my partner, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So how can you become a positive parent? Stop Siblings Fighting
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to change your old ways. But little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve changed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any person who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mom or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Stop Siblings Fighting
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button below. Stop Siblings Fighting
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.