Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first became a mama, I understood that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Stop Toddler Hitting
There were a few books on our shelf regarding handling power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, and also just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they learned in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to realize that, while no person is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.Stop Toddler Hitting
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Stop Toddler Hitting
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began reading material regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and also pretty much every other traditionally approved parenting technique.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles result in healthy and balanced child development Stop Toddler Hitting
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually seen firsthand how being the “mean father” may appear to work temporarily. Yet in the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his history as well as learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Stop Toddler Hitting
First, let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they want Stop Toddler Hitting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the reality that cooperation consistently yields far better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Parents who embrace this design have figured out how to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they do not … Besides, what happens as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain exterior conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Stop Toddler Hitting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Right here are a couple of the methods Amy reveals to help you to evolve into the mother or father you have actually always wished to be, as well as help your child to reach his or her full potential.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s usually easier (as well as extra typical in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a great deal farther towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you as well as me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Stop Toddler Hitting
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from delighted one minute to complete meltdown the next. Rather than fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a primary emotion beneath it
• Many mad children are really frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that should be met initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on addressing that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s difficult since you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The point is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next example … Stop Toddler Hitting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to obtain from our child, we need to be prepared to give. If I am disrespectful, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult just due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, and you respect them as an individual. Stop Toddler Hitting
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the primary step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Stop Toddler Hitting
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and returned the stolen sticker, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anybody to deal with the conflict. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Stop Toddler Hitting
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve conflict, as well as even how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers might be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and also his two teenage sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
Just how can you come to be a positive parent? Stop Toddler Hitting
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody who is serious about becoming a more positive mother or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Stop Toddler Hitting
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Stop Toddler Hitting
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.