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When I first came to be a mommy, I knew that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Stop Whining Meaning
There were a few books on our shelf about taking care of power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to understand that, while nobody is without fault, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Stop Whining Meaning
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Stop Whining Meaning
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I started reviewing blogs regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and also basically every other traditionally accepted parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs met. I learned more about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas cause healthy child development Stop Whining Meaning
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean father” might appear to help temporarily. However in the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his background and discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Stop Whining Meaning
Let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Providing your children whatever they ask for Stop Whining Meaning
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that collaboration always yields better long-term results than forced control.
Parents who embrace this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Besides, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to develop self-control
• Going deeper than plain exterior conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s how I was parented, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Stop Whining Meaning
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Here are a number of the strategies Amy shares to assist you to become the mommy or daddy you have actually always wished to be, as well as encourage your child to reach his or her complete potential.
Get to the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically widely accepted (and also much more typical in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
However we can progress a lot further towards solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you and also me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Stop Whining Meaning
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from happy one minute to complete tantrum the next. Rather than combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a main emotion beneath it
• A lot of angry children are really scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that have to be addressed initially. For example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that huge need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult because you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s use teens in our next scenario … Stop Whining Meaning
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to get from our child, we must be prepared to offer. If I am discourteous, controlling and sarcastic to my teen simply since I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or dad, you can set the example as well as show your young adult that you value their opinion, and also you appreciate them as an individual. Stop Whining Meaning
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Stop Whining Meaning
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any person to settle the dispute. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Stop Whining Meaning
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to deal with disputes, and also even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and his two teenage boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, and the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Stop Whining Meaning
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old ways. However little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise any person that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mother or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Stop Whining Meaning
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. Stop Whining Meaning
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.