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When I initially came to be a mother, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Stop Whining Song
There were a couple of books on our shelf about handling power struggles, just how to control the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they learned in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to recognize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Stop Whining Song
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Stop Whining Song
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I started reviewing material about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, shouting, severe punishments as well as basically every other commonly approved parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs met. I found out about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles bring about healthy child development Stop Whining Song
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might appear to help temporarily. However in the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his background and discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Stop Whining Song
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they ask for Stop Whining Song
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the truth that collaboration always generates far better long-term results than strict control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have actually learned to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they do not … After all, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than mere external compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s just how I was raised, and I just had no framework for anything different. Stop Whining Song
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Discover the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically much easier (and also a lot more typical in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a lot further toward solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you and also me. And also often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Stop Whining Song
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from happy one moment to major meltdown the next. So rather than fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a primary emotion below it
• The majority of upset children are actually scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that need to be met first. As an example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s hard because you really wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The objective is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next scenario … Stop Whining Song
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to get from our child, we need to be willing to give before anyone else. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, and also you value them as an individual. Stop Whining Song
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teen to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Stop Whining Song
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anybody to settle the problem. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Stop Whining Song
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with disputes, and also even just how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and also his two teenage sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
Just how can you become a positive parent? Stop Whining Song
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to alter your old ways. Yet bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mother or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Stop Whining Song
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Stop Whining Song
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.