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When I initially came to be a mommy, I understood that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Stop Whining Start Doing
There were a couple of books on our shelf about taking care of power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to recognize that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mom.Stop Whining Start Doing
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Stop Whining Start Doing
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I started checking out articles concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as virtually every other typically approved parenting technique.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles result in healthy and balanced child development Stop Whining Start Doing
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” may seem to help temporarily. Long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his background and also learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Stop Whining Start Doing
Let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they ask for Stop Whining Start Doing
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the reality that cooperation always produces much better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they do not … After all, what takes place once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to establish self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere outside compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Stop Whining Start Doing
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s usually much easier (and also more usual in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal farther towards solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you as well as me. And also often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Stop Whining Start Doing
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from cloud nine one minute to major tantrum the next. So as opposed to battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a key feeling beneath it
• A lot of mad children are really scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that need to be addressed initially. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really upset since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s difficult because you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The intent is to enable him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next scenario … Stop Whining Start Doing
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to obtain from our child, we need to agree to offer before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager just because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, as well as you respect them as a person. Stop Whining Start Doing
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. However it does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Stop Whining Start Doing
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anybody to fix the problem. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Stop Whining Start Doing
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve conflict, and even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So just how can you become a positive parent? Stop Whining Start Doing
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not think how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any person that is serious about becoming an extra positive mom or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Stop Whining Start Doing
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Stop Whining Start Doing
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