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When I first became a mom, I recognized that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Stop Whining
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning taking care of power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to realize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Stop Whining
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Stop Whining
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I started reviewing blog posts concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and basically every other traditionally approved parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these concepts result in healthy and balanced child development Stop Whining
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually experienced firsthand just how being the “mean father” could appear to work for the moment. But in the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his background and finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Stop Whining
Let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children whatever they want Stop Whining
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the truth that cooperation consistently generates much better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Parents that adopt this design have actually figured out how to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they do not … Besides, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple outside conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Stop Whining
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Identify the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly easier (and extra usual in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can get a lot farther toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you and also me. And also most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Stop Whining
For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from happy one moment to major meltdown the next. So as opposed to fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a key emotion under it
• Most mad children are in fact scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re really upset since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s tough since you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following scenario … Stop Whining
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to obtain from our child, we need to be willing to give. If I am disrespectful, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager just due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or dad, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, and you respect them as an individual. Stop Whining
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. Yet it does imply you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Stop Whining
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anyone to fix the conflict. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Stop Whining
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to solve conflict, as well as even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and also his two teen sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So just how can you become a positive parent? Stop Whining
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to alter your old ways. But bit by bit, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not think just how much you’ve transformed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mama or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Stop Whining
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. Stop Whining
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