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When I initially came to be a mama, I knew that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. Strict Dads
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they discovered in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a tough number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to understand that, while no person is without fault, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Strict Dads
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Strict Dads
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I began checking out articles concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and practically every other generally accepted parenting technique.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas bring about healthy child development Strict Dads
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had experienced firsthand how being the “mean dad” could seem to help temporarily. Long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Strict Dads
Let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children whatever they ask for Strict Dads
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that collaboration always produces far better lasting results than harsh control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have actually figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than simple outward conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Strict Dads
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently easier (and much more usual in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot further towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you and also me. And most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Strict Dads
For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet matured. That means they can go from joyful one moment to complete tantrum the next. Rather than combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a primary feeling beneath it
• The majority of mad children are in fact frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that need to be addressed initially. For example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that large need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really angry since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s tough because you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The intent is to allow him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s use teens in our following example … Strict Dads
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we wish to obtain from our child, we should want to give first. If I am rude, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager merely since I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or father, you can set the standard and show your young adult that you value their opinion, and also you appreciate them as a person. Strict Dads
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. But it does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the primary step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Strict Dads
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anybody to solve the problem. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Strict Dads
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to solve disputes, and also even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and his two adolescent sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? Strict Dads
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to change your old ways. But bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any person who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mama or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Strict Dads
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. Strict Dads
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