Strict Discipline – Exactly How I Applied Positive Parenting to At Long Last Get My Kids to Behave

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Strict Discipline
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first came to be a mother, I knew that I wished to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. Strict Discipline

There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”

I’m not exactly sure exactly what they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.

It was a challenging number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to realize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Strict Discipline

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Strict Discipline

My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I started reviewing blogs regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as virtually every other generally accepted parenting technique.

I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs satisfied. I learned about:

• Problem-solving

• Dealing with power struggles

• Strong communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Just how all of these principles result in healthy child development Strict Discipline

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In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean father” may appear to work for the moment. In the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child relationship.

Considering his background and discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and applying positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Strict Discipline

First, let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to run wild

• Being a passive parent

• Disregarding significant wrongdoing

• Giving your children every little thing they want Strict Discipline

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”

• Having no restrictions

You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the fact that cooperation always produces far better long-lasting results than strict control.

Moms and dads that embrace this design have learned to foster:

• Mutual respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)

• Establishing healthy limits

• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals

Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they don’t … Besides, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?

• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued

• Helping kids to grow their self-restraint

• Going deeper than mere outside conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Strict Discipline

I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.

Right here are a couple of the methods Amy shares to encourage you to come to be the mother or daddy you’ve always wanted to be, and also assist your child to reach his/her complete potential.

Find the root of the acting out

I told you this is deep. It’s frequently much easier (as well as much more common in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.

We can progress a whole lot farther toward solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you and also me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Strict Discipline

A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet developed. That means they can go from happy one moment to major meltdown the next. So as opposed to dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a primary emotion below it

• A lot of upset children are in fact frightened and/or sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that should be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on meeting that big need initially.

• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s tough because you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.

• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.

Bear In Mind the Golden Rule

I told you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our next example … Strict Discipline

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to get from our child, we should be willing to give. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult just since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?

It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the example as well as show your teenager that you value their point of view, and you appreciate them as an individual. Strict Discipline

This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.

In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Strict Discipline

Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …

Just the other day, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and returned the stolen sticker, apologized and requested forgiveness.

They made up, hugged and also started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any person to deal with the dispute. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Strict Discipline

Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to fix conflict, as well as even how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.

Some visitors may be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and his two teenage boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.

So just how can you become a positive parent? Strict Discipline

This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.

I suggest any individual that is serious about coming to be a more positive mother or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Strict Discipline

You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.

In her totally free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Strict Discipline


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