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When I first came to be a mother, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. Strict Mother
There were a few books on our shelf regarding managing power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to understand that, while no person is perfect, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Strict Mother
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Strict Mother
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I started reviewing material concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and virtually every other commonly accepted parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs met. I discovered:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these ideas result in healthy child development Strict Mother
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might seem to work for the moment. Long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his background as well as discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Strict Mother
Initially, let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they want Strict Mother
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the fact that collaboration always generates much better lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … After all, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than simple exterior compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Strict Mother
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Get to the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically simpler (and extra common in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a lot more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you and also me. And most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Strict Mother
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from delighted one minute to major tantrum the next. Instead of combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a main feeling under it
• The majority of mad children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that should be met initially. As an example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that large need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really upset since I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult due to the fact that you really wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our following example … Strict Mother
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to get from our child, we must be willing to provide. If I am impolite, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager merely since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or dad, you can set the example as well as show your teen that you value their point of view, as well as you respect them as an individual. Strict Mother
This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the primary step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Strict Mother
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any individual to resolve the problem. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Strict Mother
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to deal with conflict, as well as even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? Strict Mother
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to change your old parenting style. However little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mom or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Strict Mother
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Strict Mother
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