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When I first became a mom, I knew that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Strict Parent Rules
There were a few books on our bookshelf about managing power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to understand that, while nobody is perfect, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Strict Parent Rules
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Strict Parent Rules
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I began checking out blog posts concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and pretty much every other typically accepted parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles cause healthy and balanced child development Strict Parent Rules
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might appear to work temporarily. However in the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his background as well as discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Strict Parent Rules
Let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for Strict Parent Rules
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the fact that collaboration consistently yields far better long-term outcomes than strict control.
Parents that adopt this concept have actually figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Besides, what takes place once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than plain outward compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s how I was raised, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Strict Parent Rules
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s usually easier (as well as extra usual in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can progress a great deal farther towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you and me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Strict Parent Rules
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet formed. That means they can go from delighted one minute to major tantrum the next. So instead of battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a main emotion beneath it
• A lot of upset children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that should be met first. For example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s difficult due to the fact that you really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our following scenario … Strict Parent Rules
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we wish to obtain from our child, we have to be willing to offer first. If I am discourteous, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, and you appreciate them as a person. Strict Parent Rules
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with more respect, the first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Strict Parent Rules
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the stolen sticker, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anyone to fix the conflict. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Strict Parent Rules
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to resolve disputes, as well as even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and his 2 teen sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Strict Parent Rules
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to change your old ways. But little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually changed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone who is serious about becoming an extra positive mommy or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Strict Parent Rules
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button below. Strict Parent Rules
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.