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When I initially became a mama, I understood that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, but they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. Strict Parents Create Sneaky
There were a few books on our bookshelf about managing power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they learned in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to understand that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Strict Parents Create Sneaky
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Strict Parents Create Sneaky
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I started checking out articles about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, severe punishments and pretty much every other typically approved parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these principles bring about healthy and balanced child development Strict Parents Create Sneaky
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had experienced firsthand how being the “mean dad” may appear to help for the moment. In the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his background and also finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Strict Parents Create Sneaky
Let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they ask for Strict Parents Create Sneaky
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the fact that collaboration always produces better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents who embrace this concept have actually learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they don’t … After all, what takes place once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain exterior conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Strict Parents Create Sneaky
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Discover the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly easier (as well as extra usual in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can get a lot further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you and also me. And many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Strict Parents Create Sneaky
As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete tantrum the next. Instead of dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a key emotion underneath it
• Many upset children are really anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that should be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s tough because you truly wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next example … Strict Parents Create Sneaky
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we intend to obtain from our child, we should want to provide before anyone else. If I am discourteous, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager just since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or father, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, as well as you value them as an individual. Strict Parents Create Sneaky
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Strict Parents Create Sneaky
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any individual to deal with the dispute. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Strict Parents Create Sneaky
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to fix disputes, and even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be curious about my husband, Antonio, and his two teen sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Strict Parents Create Sneaky
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody that is serious about coming to be a more positive mama or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Strict Parents Create Sneaky
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. Strict Parents Create Sneaky
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.