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When I initially came to be a mommy, I understood that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Strike Parents
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning taking care of power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they discovered in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to understand that, while no person is without flaws, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.Strike Parents
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Strike Parents
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I began reading blog posts regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, extreme punishments as well as pretty much every other traditionally approved parenting technique.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles bring about healthy and balanced child development Strike Parents
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might appear to benefit temporarily. But long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background as well as learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Strike Parents
Let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they ask for Strike Parents
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the fact that collaboration consistently generates much better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have figured out how to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to develop self-control
• Going deeper than mere external conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Strike Parents
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently widely accepted (and also more common in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a lot farther toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you and also me. And most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Strike Parents
As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from joyful one moment to major tantrum the next. Instead of battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a main emotion under it
• The majority of angry children are actually scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that need to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on meeting that large need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard due to the fact that you really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our following example … Strike Parents
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we wish to obtain from our child, we must be willing to provide first. If I am rude, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult simply due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or dad, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, as well as you respect them as an individual. Strike Parents
This does not imply you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the very first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Strike Parents
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anyone to solve the dispute. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Strike Parents
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to fix conflict, and also even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be curious about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you become a positive parent? Strike Parents
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to alter your old ways. But gradually, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually changed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual that is serious about growing to be a more positive mom or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Strike Parents
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Strike Parents
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.