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When I first came to be a mommy, I knew that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Strong Will
There were a few books on our bookshelf about dealing with power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they learned in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I became a mama.Strong Will
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Strong Will
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started reviewing blogs about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and practically every other typically accepted parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs met. I discovered:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles bring about healthy child development Strong Will
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually observed firsthand how being the “mean dad” may appear to benefit for the moment. Long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his background and learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Strong Will
Let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they ask for Strong Will
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the truth that collaboration always generates much better lasting results than harsh control.
Parents that embrace this concept have figured out how to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they do not … After all, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-control
• Going deeper than plain outside compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Strong Will
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Find the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s typically widely accepted (and also a lot more typical in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a lot more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you and me. And most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Strong Will
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from delighted one moment to complete tantrum the next. Instead of combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a key emotion below it
• The majority of upset children are actually frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that should be addressed first. For example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really upset since I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s hard since you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next scenario … Strong Will
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to obtain from our child, we must be willing to give. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult just due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or dad, you can set the example and also show your teenager that you value their point of view, as well as you value them as an individual. Strong Will
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. But it does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teen to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Strong Will
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anybody to deal with the conflict. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Strong Will
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to solve conflict, and even just how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be curious about my other half, Antonio, and his 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Strong Will
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to transform your old way of life. Yet little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not believe how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mama or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Strong Will
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Strong Will
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