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When I initially became a mama, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Strong Willed Child Characteristics
There were a few books on our bookshelf about dealing with power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they discovered in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to understand that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.Strong Willed Child Characteristics
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Strong Willed Child Characteristics
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I started reading articles concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, severe punishments as well as basically every other commonly approved parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs met. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas cause healthy and balanced child development Strong Willed Child Characteristics
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean father” might seem to work temporarily. However in the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his background as well as discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Strong Willed Child Characteristics
Let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they ask for Strong Willed Child Characteristics
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the truth that cooperation consistently yields far better long-term results than strict control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have actually learned to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they don’t … Besides, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going much deeper than simple exterior conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Strong Willed Child Characteristics
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Find the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often easier (and also a lot more typical in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a lot further toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you and me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Strong Willed Child Characteristics
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete meltdown the next. Instead of battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a main emotion under it
• Many upset children are actually anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that have to be addressed initially. For example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on meeting that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry because I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s difficult since you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our next example … Strong Willed Child Characteristics
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to receive from our child, we must be eager to provide. If I am rude, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen merely because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or dad, you can set the example as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and you appreciate them as an individual. Strong Willed Child Characteristics
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. But it does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Strong Willed Child Characteristics
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate any individual to deal with the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Strong Willed Child Characteristics
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to solve disputes, as well as even how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be curious about my other half, Antonio, as well as his two teen sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
Just how can you become a positive parent? Strong Willed Child Characteristics
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not think how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual who is serious about coming to be a more positive mom or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Strong Willed Child Characteristics
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. Strong Willed Child Characteristics
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