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When I initially became a mother, I recognized that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Stubborn 4 Year Old
There were a few books on our shelf concerning managing power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to recognize that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Stubborn 4 Year Old
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Stubborn 4 Year Old
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I began checking out material about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and pretty much every other typically accepted parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs met. I learned more about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas cause healthy child development Stubborn 4 Year Old
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean father” might appear to work for the moment. Yet long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and also discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Stubborn 4 Year Old
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they want Stubborn 4 Year Old
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the fact that cooperation consistently generates much better lasting results than forced control.
Parents that adopt this concept have actually figured out how to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Helping kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple outside compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Stubborn 4 Year Old
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s often much easier (as well as more typical in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
However we can progress a whole lot more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you and also me. And most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Stubborn 4 Year Old
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from delighted one minute to major tantrum the next. So as opposed to battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a primary emotion below it
• Most upset children are in fact scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that should be met initially. As an example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that large need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly upset since I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s hard due to the fact that you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our following example … Stubborn 4 Year Old
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to get from our child, we must be willing to offer before anyone else. If I am discourteous, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen merely because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or father, you can set the example and also communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, and also you respect them as a person. Stubborn 4 Year Old
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Stubborn 4 Year Old
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any person to resolve the problem. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Stubborn 4 Year Old
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with disputes, as well as even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be curious about my other half, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So how can you become a positive parent? Stubborn 4 Year Old
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not think just how much you’ve altered, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise any person that is serious about becoming an extra positive mama or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Stubborn 4 Year Old
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. Stubborn 4 Year Old
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