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When I initially came to be a mother, I knew that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Switch Spanking
There were a few books on our shelf about dealing with power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they learned in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a hard period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to understand that, while nobody is without fault, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mom.Switch Spanking
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Switch Spanking
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I started checking out blog posts about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, severe punishments as well as virtually every other traditionally approved parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas lead to healthy and balanced child development Switch Spanking
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had seen firsthand how being the “mean dad” might seem to work for the moment. However in the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his background as well as finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Switch Spanking
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Offering your children every little thing they ask for Switch Spanking
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the fact that cooperation always yields better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have actually learned to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple outward conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and I just had no framework for anything different. Switch Spanking
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Get to the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s commonly widely accepted (as well as much more common in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can progress a whole lot more towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you as well as me. And most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Switch Spanking
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet developed. That means they can go from joyful one moment to complete meltdown the next. So rather than dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a main emotion underneath it
• Most upset children are actually scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that should be met initially. For example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on meeting that large need first.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult since you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to permit him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next scenario … Switch Spanking
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to get from our child, we should want to offer first. If I am impolite, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult simply since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the example and communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and you appreciate them as an individual. Switch Spanking
This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. Yet it does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Switch Spanking
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the swiped sticker, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any person to settle the problem. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Switch Spanking
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to solve conflict, and also even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his two teenage sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So how can you become a positive parent? Switch Spanking
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not believe how much you have actually altered, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise any individual that is serious about growing to be a more positive mama or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Switch Spanking
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button below. Switch Spanking
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.