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When I first became a mommy, I knew that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Talk Back Quotes
There were a couple of books on our shelf about taking care of power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they found out in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to realize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Talk Back Quotes
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Talk Back Quotes
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I started reviewing blog posts about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, severe punishments and pretty much every other traditionally approved parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas lead to healthy and balanced child development Talk Back Quotes
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had seen firsthand how being the “mean father” might seem to work temporarily. In the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history as well as learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Talk Back Quotes
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they ask for Talk Back Quotes
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the reality that cooperation always yields much better lasting results than strict control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have figured out how to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Besides, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple outside compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Talk Back Quotes
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Identify the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s commonly widely accepted (and also more common in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a lot further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you as well as me. And also many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Talk Back Quotes
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from happy one moment to complete meltdown the next. Instead of dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a primary emotion under it
• A lot of mad children are in fact frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that have to be addressed first. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s hard since you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The point is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following example … Talk Back Quotes
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to get from our child, we have to be eager to provide. If I am rude, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen simply because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or father, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, and you value them as a person. Talk Back Quotes
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teenager to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Talk Back Quotes
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the swiped sticker, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anyone to settle the dispute. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Talk Back Quotes
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to fix conflict, and even how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be curious about my partner, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So just how can you come to be a positive parent? Talk Back Quotes
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any individual who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mama or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Talk Back Quotes
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Talk Back Quotes
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.