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When I first became a mom, I recognized that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Talk Back System
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding taking care of power struggles, exactly how to control the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to understand that, while no person is without fault, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Talk Back System
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Talk Back System
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I started reviewing articles concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and basically every other generally accepted parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts lead to healthy child development Talk Back System
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may appear to benefit temporarily. Yet in the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his history and also learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Talk Back System
Let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Offering your children whatever they ask for Talk Back System
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the reality that cooperation always generates far better long-term results than forced control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what takes place once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than simple outside compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s how I was parented, and I just had no framework for anything different. Talk Back System
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Find the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly widely accepted (and a lot more typical in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can progress a lot more toward solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you and also me. And often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Talk Back System
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet formed. That means they can go from delighted one minute to complete meltdown the next. So instead of combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a key feeling underneath it
• Most angry children are really frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be met initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that large need first.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really angry because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s difficult due to the fact that you truly want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following scenario … Talk Back System
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to obtain from our child, we have to be eager to give. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen just due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or dad, you can set the standard as well as show your young adult that you value their opinion, as well as you value them as an individual. Talk Back System
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Talk Back System
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anyone to settle the dispute. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Talk Back System
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to resolve disputes, and even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers could be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and also his 2 teen sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So just how can you come to be a positive parent? Talk Back System
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to change your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not think how much you’ve changed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody that is serious about becoming a much more positive mommy or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Talk Back System
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button below. Talk Back System
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