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When I first came to be a mommy, I understood that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. Talking Back In Class
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding managing power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to recognize that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Talking Back In Class
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Talking Back In Class
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I began reading material concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, harsh punishments as well as basically every other traditionally approved parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts bring about healthy and balanced child development Talking Back In Class
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean father” could appear to work for the moment. Yet in the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his background and also learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Talking Back In Class
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they want Talking Back In Class
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the truth that cooperation always generates far better lasting results than strict control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Besides, what takes place when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than mere outward compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s just how I was raised, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Talking Back In Class
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Right here are a number of the strategies Amy teaches to assist you to come to be the mama or daddy you have actually always wished to be, as well as assist your child to reach his or her highest potential.
Identify the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently much easier (as well as more common in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot farther towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you and me. And also often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Talking Back In Class
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from joyful one minute to complete tantrum the next. Instead of battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a main feeling underneath it
• A lot of mad children are really frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that have to be met first. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on addressing that large need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry because I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s tough due to the fact that you truly really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following scenario … Talking Back In Class
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to get from our child, we have to be eager to give. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult simply since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example and show your teen that you value their point of view, and also you value them as a person. Talking Back In Class
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. Yet it does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Talking Back In Class
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anybody to deal with the problem. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Talking Back In Class
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to deal with disputes, and also even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be curious about my other half, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Talking Back In Class
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody who is serious about coming to be a more positive mama or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Talking Back In Class
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. Talking Back In Class
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