Talking Back To Parents – How I Used Positive Parenting to Ultimately Get My Kids to Cooperate

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Talking Back To Parents
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first became a mama, I knew that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Talking Back To Parents

There were a couple of books on our shelf about dealing with power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”

I’m unsure just what they found out in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.

It was a difficult period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Talking Back To Parents

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Talking Back To Parents

My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I started reading blogs concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, severe punishments and also basically every other traditionally accepted parenting method.

I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs satisfied. I discovered:

• Problem-solving

• Solving power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Exactly how every one of these concepts result in healthy child development Talking Back To Parents

Talking Back To Parents

During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may appear to benefit for the moment. Long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child relationship.

Given his history as well as discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and implementing positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Talking Back To Parents

First, let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to run wild

• Being a lazy parent

• Ignoring significant wrongdoing

• Offering your children whatever they ask for Talking Back To Parents

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”

• Having no boundaries

You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the reality that collaboration always yields better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.

Parents who embrace this design have actually figured out how to cultivate:

• Shared respect

• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)

• Setting healthy and balanced limits

• Developing a child’s foundational character traits

Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … After all, what occurs when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?

• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and valued

• Encouraging kids to grow their self-discipline

• Going deeper than plain external conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s how I was raised, and I just had no framework for anything different. Talking Back To Parents

I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.

Below are a number of the techniques Amy teaches to assist you to become the mother or father you have actually always intended to be, and help your child to reach his or her complete potential.

Find the root of the behavior

I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually much easier (and much more typical in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.

We can progress a great deal farther toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you and me. And also many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Talking Back To Parents

A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one moment to major tantrum the next. So rather than battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a key emotion below it

• Most mad children are in fact anxious and/or very sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be addressed first. For instance, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that big need first.

• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s hard due to the fact that you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.

• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.

Remember the Golden Rule

I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next scenario … Talking Back To Parents

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to get from our child, we should be ready to give. If I am impolite, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen merely due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?

It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, as well as you value them as an individual. Talking Back To Parents

This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. Yet it does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.

In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Talking Back To Parents

Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …

Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the stolen sticker, apologized and asked for forgiveness.

They made up, embraced and started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anybody to deal with the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Talking Back To Parents

Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to solve conflict, and also even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.

Some readers may be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and his 2 teen sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, and the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.

Just how can you become a positive parent? Talking Back To Parents

This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you will not think just how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.

I recommend any person that is serious about becoming a much more positive mother or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Talking Back To Parents

You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.

In her totally free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Talking Back To Parents


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