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When I initially became a mother, I recognized that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Talking Back
There were a few books on our shelf regarding managing power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they learned in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to understand that, while no person is without fault, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Talking Back
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Talking Back
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I began checking out blog posts about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, severe punishments and also pretty much every other typically accepted parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs met. I found out about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas cause healthy and balanced child development Talking Back
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually observed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could seem to help temporarily. Long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his history as well as finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Talking Back
Let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Offering your children whatever they want Talking Back
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the fact that collaboration consistently produces much better lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Parents that adopt this concept have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than simple external compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s how I was raised, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Talking Back
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Find the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s frequently easier (and a lot more typical in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a lot further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you and me. And also most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Talking Back
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from happy one minute to complete tantrum the next. So instead of battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a primary feeling underneath it
• A lot of mad children are actually scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that need to be addressed initially. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult because you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next scenario … Talking Back
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to obtain from our child, we have to be prepared to provide. If I am impolite, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen merely since I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. Talking Back
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. Yet it does imply you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Talking Back
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any individual to resolve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Talking Back
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to fix disputes, and also even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be curious about my partner, Antonio, and also his two adolescent sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
How can you become a positive parent? Talking Back
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not believe how much you’ve changed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody who is serious about becoming an extra positive mama or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Talking Back
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button below. Talking Back
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