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When I first came to be a mother, I understood that I intended to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Tantrums At 10 Months
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning dealing with power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they found out in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no one is perfect, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Tantrums At 10 Months
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Tantrums At 10 Months
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I began checking out blogs concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and virtually every other generally accepted parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts result in healthy and balanced child development Tantrums At 10 Months
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean father” could seem to benefit for the moment. Yet in the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his history and finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Tantrums At 10 Months
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they want Tantrums At 10 Months
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the reality that collaboration always yields much better lasting results than strict control.
Moms and dads who embrace this design have actually figured out how to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they don’t … Besides, what takes place when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain external compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s how I was parented, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Tantrums At 10 Months
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Identify the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically widely accepted (as well as more typical in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can get a lot further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you and me. And often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Tantrums At 10 Months
For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from delighted one minute to major tantrum the next. Instead of battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a primary emotion beneath it
• A lot of upset children are really frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be addressed initially. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that big need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s tough because you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following scenario … Tantrums At 10 Months
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to receive from our child, we need to be eager to offer. If I am rude, controlling and sarcastic to my teenager merely because I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or dad, you can set the example and show your young adult that you value their point of view, and you value them as a person. Tantrums At 10 Months
This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the primary step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Tantrums At 10 Months
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the stolen sticker, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anyone to deal with the conflict. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Tantrums At 10 Months
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to resolve disputes, and even just how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be curious about my husband, Antonio, and his two adolescent sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Tantrums At 10 Months
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t think how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody who is serious about growing to be a more positive mama or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Tantrums At 10 Months
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Tantrums At 10 Months
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