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When I initially came to be a mama, I understood that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Tapping Kids
There were a few books on our bookshelf about handling power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they learned in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to realize that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Tapping Kids
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Tapping Kids
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I started reading material regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, severe punishments and virtually every other traditionally accepted parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas lead to healthy and balanced child development Tapping Kids
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean father” may appear to benefit temporarily. But in the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his background as well as finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Tapping Kids
Let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they want Tapping Kids
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the truth that cooperation always produces far better lasting results than harsh control.
Parents that adopt this design have learned to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-restraint
• Going deeper than simple exterior compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Tapping Kids
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Discover the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly simpler (as well as much more usual in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal farther towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you as well as me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Tapping Kids
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from happy one minute to major meltdown the next. Rather than dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a main emotion under it
• Most angry children are in fact frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that need to be addressed initially. For example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on meeting that large need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult due to the fact that you really wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to enable him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our following scenario … Tapping Kids
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to obtain from our child, we need to be willing to give. If I am discourteous, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult merely due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the example as well as show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and also you respect them as an individual. Tapping Kids
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the very first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Tapping Kids
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and returned the swiped sticker, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any person to resolve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Tapping Kids
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to resolve disputes, and even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers could be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and his two teen sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Tapping Kids
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old way of life. However little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not think how much you’ve altered, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anyone that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mama or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Tapping Kids
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button below. Tapping Kids
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