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When I first became a mother, I recognized that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Teach Baby To Sleep Alone
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding dealing with power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to understand that, while no one is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Teach Baby To Sleep Alone
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Teach Baby To Sleep Alone
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I started checking out articles about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and also basically every other traditionally approved parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas lead to healthy child development Teach Baby To Sleep Alone
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could appear to benefit for the moment. But in the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his background as well as finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Teach Baby To Sleep Alone
Let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they ask for Teach Baby To Sleep Alone
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the reality that cooperation always produces much better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … After all, what takes place when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple external conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Teach Baby To Sleep Alone
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Get to the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s usually much easier (and also a lot more typical in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can get a great deal further towards solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you as well as me. And often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Teach Baby To Sleep Alone
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from delighted one minute to complete meltdown the next. Rather than battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a primary emotion underneath it
• A lot of upset children are in fact frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that have to be met first. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on addressing that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s tough because you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next scenario … Teach Baby To Sleep Alone
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we wish to obtain from our child, we should be willing to give first. If I am rude, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager merely because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the example and show your young adult that you value their point of view, and also you value them as an individual. Teach Baby To Sleep Alone
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. However it does indicate you can be kind despite disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our young adult to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Teach Baby To Sleep Alone
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any person to deal with the problem. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Teach Baby To Sleep Alone
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to settle conflict, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be curious about my other half, Antonio, and his two adolescent sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Teach Baby To Sleep Alone
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old parenting style. But bit by bit, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not think how much you’ve altered, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anyone who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mama or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Teach Baby To Sleep Alone
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. Teach Baby To Sleep Alone
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.