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When I initially became a mom, I understood that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. Teacher Discipline
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning taking care of power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to understand that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Teacher Discipline
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Teacher Discipline
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I started reviewing articles concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, harsh punishments as well as virtually every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these ideas cause healthy and balanced child development Teacher Discipline
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had seen firsthand how being the “mean dad” could seem to help temporarily. But long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and also discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Teacher Discipline
Let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Offering your children whatever they ask for Teacher Discipline
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the reality that cooperation always generates much better long-term results than forced control.
Parents that adopt this concept have learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what takes place once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than plain exterior conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s how I was raised, and I just had no framework for anything different. Teacher Discipline
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s frequently easier (and much more common in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can progress a great deal further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you as well as me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Teacher Discipline
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet formed. That means they can go from delighted one minute to complete meltdown the next. Instead of combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a primary emotion underneath it
• A lot of upset children are actually frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be met first. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that big need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s difficult due to the fact that you really wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next scenario … Teacher Discipline
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we wish to receive from our child, we should agree to offer before anyone else. If I am rude, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager simply because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the standard and also show your young adult that you value their point of view, and also you respect them as a person. Teacher Discipline
This does not imply you have to be a pushover. But it does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Teacher Discipline
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any individual to deal with the conflict. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Teacher Discipline
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to fix conflict, and even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be curious about my husband, Antonio, and his two teenage sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So just how can you come to be a positive parent? Teacher Discipline
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to change your old way of life. But little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually changed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody who is serious about becoming an extra positive mommy or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Teacher Discipline
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Teacher Discipline
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