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When I first came to be a mommy, I knew that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Teacher Punishment
There were a few books on our shelf concerning handling power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they found out in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to recognize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Teacher Punishment
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Teacher Punishment
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I began checking out blogs concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as practically every other commonly accepted parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles bring about healthy child development Teacher Punishment
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” could appear to benefit for the moment. But long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his background and also finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Teacher Punishment
Let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children whatever they ask for Teacher Punishment
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the reality that collaboration consistently produces much better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they do not … Besides, what takes place when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain exterior compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s just how I was raised, and I just had no framework for anything different. Teacher Punishment
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often much easier (as well as a lot more usual in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot farther toward solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you as well as me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Teacher Punishment
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from joyful one minute to complete meltdown the next. So rather than fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a key emotion underneath it
• Most upset children are in fact anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that need to be addressed first. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that big need initially.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really upset because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s tough since you really wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next example … Teacher Punishment
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to get from our child, we have to be ready to provide. If I am disrespectful, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult just since I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example and also show your teen that you value their point of view, and also you value them as a person. Teacher Punishment
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the very first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Teacher Punishment
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anybody to solve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Teacher Punishment
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to solve conflict, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and his two teen sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
Just how can you become a positive parent? Teacher Punishment
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to change your old way of life. However gradually, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually changed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any person who is serious about becoming an extra positive mom or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Teacher Punishment
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. Teacher Punishment
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