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When I initially came to be a mama, I understood that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Teaching A Child Discipline
There were a couple of books on our shelf about taking care of power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a tough period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to understand that, while no person is without fault, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Teaching A Child Discipline
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Teaching A Child Discipline
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I began reviewing blogs concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, severe punishments and also practically every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs met. I learned more about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these principles cause healthy child development Teaching A Child Discipline
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may seem to help for the moment. In the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his history as well as finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Teaching A Child Discipline
Let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they want Teaching A Child Discipline
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the fact that cooperation consistently yields better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Parents who adopt this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than mere outward conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Teaching A Child Discipline
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Find the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s usually much easier (as well as extra common in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a whole lot further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you and also me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Teaching A Child Discipline
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete tantrum the next. So instead of dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a main feeling under it
• The majority of angry children are actually frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that should be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that huge need first.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s tough since you really wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The point is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following scenario … Teaching A Child Discipline
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we wish to obtain from our child, we must want to give before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager simply because I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, as well as you value them as an individual. Teaching A Child Discipline
This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the primary step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Teaching A Child Discipline
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anybody to resolve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Teaching A Child Discipline
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to settle conflict, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and his two adolescent boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, and the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Teaching A Child Discipline
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to alter your old parenting style. But little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve transformed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about coming to be a more positive mommy or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Teaching A Child Discipline
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. Teaching A Child Discipline
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.