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When I initially came to be a mommy, I knew that I wished to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Teaching Kids Not To Lie
There were a few books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, and also just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to understand that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Teaching Kids Not To Lie
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Teaching Kids Not To Lie
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I started reviewing articles about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and virtually every other generally accepted parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts result in healthy and balanced child development Teaching Kids Not To Lie
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could appear to work temporarily. Yet in the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his history and learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Teaching Kids Not To Lie
Let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Offering your children every little thing they ask for Teaching Kids Not To Lie
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the reality that cooperation always produces much better lasting results than forced control.
Parents who embrace this concept have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what happens once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than mere outward conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as screaming. That’s how I was parented, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Teaching Kids Not To Lie
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Below are a couple of the strategies Amy shares to help you to come to be the mother or daddy you have actually always wanted to be, as well as encourage your child to reach his/her highest potential.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often easier (and extra common in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot more toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you as well as me. And also many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Teaching Kids Not To Lie
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet matured. That means they can go from joyful one moment to complete meltdown the next. So rather than fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a main feeling underneath it
• The majority of angry children are really anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that should be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on addressing that big need first.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s hard due to the fact that you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The point is to allow him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next example … Teaching Kids Not To Lie
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to get from our child, we should be prepared to provide. If I am rude, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult merely due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the standard and communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, and you respect them as a person. Teaching Kids Not To Lie
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. However it does mean you can be kind when faced with problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our young adult to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Teaching Kids Not To Lie
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate any person to resolve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Teaching Kids Not To Lie
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to fix disputes, and even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and also his two teenage boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Teaching Kids Not To Lie
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to change your old parenting style. But bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise anyone that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mama or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Teaching Kids Not To Lie
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. Teaching Kids Not To Lie
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