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When I initially came to be a mother, I understood that I wished to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Teaching Your Toddler And Baby To Sleep
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning taking care of power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to recognize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.Teaching Your Toddler And Baby To Sleep
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Teaching Your Toddler And Baby To Sleep
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I started reviewing material concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, severe punishments and also virtually every other typically accepted parenting strategy.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles bring about healthy child development Teaching Your Toddler And Baby To Sleep
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might appear to work for the moment. In the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background as well as discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Teaching Your Toddler And Baby To Sleep
Let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they ask for Teaching Your Toddler And Baby To Sleep
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the truth that cooperation consistently yields better long-lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they do not … After all, what occurs when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than mere external conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Teaching Your Toddler And Baby To Sleep
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Discover the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently widely accepted (and a lot more typical in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a lot further towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you and also me. And also often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Teaching Your Toddler And Baby To Sleep
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet matured. That means they can go from joyful one moment to major meltdown the next. Rather than battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a key emotion beneath it
• Most mad children are really scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that must be met initially. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that huge need first.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re really upset due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard because you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The intent is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following example … Teaching Your Toddler And Baby To Sleep
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to get from our child, we must be willing to provide. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager just because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or dad, you can set the example as well as show your teenager that you value their point of view, as well as you appreciate them as a person. Teaching Your Toddler And Baby To Sleep
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. However it does imply you can be kind despite disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Teaching Your Toddler And Baby To Sleep
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the swiped sticker, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anyone to deal with the problem. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Teaching Your Toddler And Baby To Sleep
Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to deal with disputes, and also even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers could be curious about my husband, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Teaching Your Toddler And Baby To Sleep
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t think how much you have actually altered, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anybody who is serious about becoming a more positive mother or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Teaching Your Toddler And Baby To Sleep
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Teaching Your Toddler And Baby To Sleep
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