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When I initially came to be a mommy, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. Teen Motivation
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning handling power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they learned in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Teen Motivation
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Teen Motivation
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I started reviewing material about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, severe punishments and also virtually every other traditionally approved parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts result in healthy child development Teen Motivation
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually observed firsthand how being the “mean father” may seem to benefit for the moment. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his history as well as learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Teen Motivation
Initially, let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Offering your children every little thing they want Teen Motivation
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the truth that collaboration consistently yields much better long-term outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have actually figured out how to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … After all, what takes place when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than simple outside compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Teen Motivation
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Below are a number of the strategies Amy reveals to encourage you to evolve into the mommy or daddy you have actually always wanted to be, as well as assist your child to reach his/her complete potential.
Identify the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s usually widely accepted (and also a lot more common in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a lot more toward solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you and me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Teen Motivation
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from delighted one moment to major tantrum the next. So as opposed to combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a key feeling beneath it
• A lot of upset children are in fact anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be met first. For example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on meeting that big need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s hard because you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The intent is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next scenario … Teen Motivation
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to obtain from our child, we need to be willing to provide. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager just since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or father, you can set the standard and also show your teenager that you value their opinion, and you value them as an individual. Teen Motivation
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. But it does indicate you can be kind despite conflict. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Teen Motivation
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anyone to settle the dispute. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Teen Motivation
Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to deal with conflict, as well as even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
Just how can you become a positive parent? Teen Motivation
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to change your old parenting style. But gradually, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve altered, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise any person that is serious about becoming a more positive mommy or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Teen Motivation
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button below. Teen Motivation
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