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When I initially came to be a mama, I knew that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Teenage Advice Websites
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding managing power struggles, exactly how to control the strong-willed child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they found out in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to realize that, while no person is perfect, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Teenage Advice Websites
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Teenage Advice Websites
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I started reading blogs about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, extreme punishments as well as pretty much every other traditionally approved parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs met. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts lead to healthy and balanced child development Teenage Advice Websites
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may appear to benefit for the moment. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his background and also learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Teenage Advice Websites
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they ask for Teenage Advice Websites
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the truth that collaboration consistently yields better long-term outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have actually figured out how to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they don’t … After all, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain exterior conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s how I was parented, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Teenage Advice Websites
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Find the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually easier (and much more common in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you and also me. And many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Teenage Advice Websites
For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from delighted one minute to complete meltdown the next. Rather than fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a primary emotion underneath it
• Many mad children are in fact anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on meeting that big need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad because I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard due to the fact that you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The intent is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next scenario … Teenage Advice Websites
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to get from our child, we should be willing to provide before anyone else. If I am discourteous, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen simply since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or dad, you can set the example and show your teenager that you value their point of view, and also you value them as a person. Teenage Advice Websites
This does not imply you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Teenage Advice Websites
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anyone to fix the problem. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Teenage Advice Websites
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to fix conflict, and even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be curious about my husband, Antonio, and also his two adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Teenage Advice Websites
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to alter your old ways. However little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you have actually altered, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anybody who is serious about becoming a more positive mom or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Teenage Advice Websites
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Teenage Advice Websites
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