Teenage Brothers Fighting – How I Applied Positive Parenting to Finally Get My Kids to Cooperate

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Teenage Brothers Fighting
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially became a mom, I knew that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Teenage Brothers Fighting

There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning dealing with power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”

I’m unsure exactly what they found out in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.

It was a difficult period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to understand that, while nobody is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I became a mama.Teenage Brothers Fighting

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Teenage Brothers Fighting

My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I started reading blogs concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, severe punishments and also pretty much every other generally accepted parenting strategy.

I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:

• Problem-solving

• Dealing with power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• How every one of these concepts result in healthy and balanced child development Teenage Brothers Fighting

Teenage Brothers Fighting

During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may appear to work temporarily. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.

Given his background and also learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and implementing positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting mean anyway? Teenage Brothers Fighting

First, let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Letting your kids run wild

• Being a lazy parent

• Ignoring significant misbehavior

• Providing your children whatever they want Teenage Brothers Fighting

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”

• Having no limitations

You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the fact that cooperation always produces much better lasting outcomes than harsh control.

Parents that embrace this concept have learned to cultivate:

• Shared respect

• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)

• Establishing healthy and balanced limits

• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals

Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Besides, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?

• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued

• Encouraging kids to develop self-restraint

• Going much deeper than plain exterior compliance and focusing on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s how I was parented, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Teenage Brothers Fighting

I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.

Here are a number of the methods Amy reveals to encourage you to come to be the mommy or daddy you have actually always wanted to be, as well as encourage your child to reach his/her complete potential.

Identify the root of the behavior

I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually widely accepted (and also more typical in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.

We can get a whole lot further towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you as well as me. And often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Teenage Brothers Fighting

A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from happy one moment to major tantrum the next. So as opposed to battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a key feeling beneath it

• Many upset children are really scared and/or very sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be met initially. For example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on meeting that huge need first.

• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s tough since you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.

• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The point is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.

Remember the Golden Rule

I told you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next scenario … Teenage Brothers Fighting

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to obtain from our child, we need to be ready to provide. If I am discourteous, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult merely because I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?

It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the example and show your young adult that you value their point of view, as well as you value them as an individual. Teenage Brothers Fighting

This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.

In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with even more respect, the very first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Teenage Brothers Fighting

Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …

Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.

They made up, hugged and also begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any individual to deal with the conflict. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Teenage Brothers Fighting

Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to settle conflict, and also even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.

Some visitors might be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and also his two adolescent sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.

How can you become a positive parent? Teenage Brothers Fighting

This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to transform your old way of life. However bit by bit, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not think how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.

I suggest any person who is serious about coming to be a more positive mom or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Teenage Brothers Fighting

You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.

In her free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. Teenage Brothers Fighting


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