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When I first came to be a mama, I knew that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Teenage Discipline
There were a couple of books on our shelf about dealing with power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they discovered in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to recognize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Teenage Discipline
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Teenage Discipline
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started reading articles concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and practically every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas result in healthy child development Teenage Discipline
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could seem to benefit for the moment. Yet long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his background as well as learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Teenage Discipline
Let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Giving your children whatever they ask for Teenage Discipline
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the fact that collaboration consistently yields better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have actually learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going much deeper than mere outside compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Teenage Discipline
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Identify the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s usually much easier (and much more usual in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a whole lot farther toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you as well as me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Teenage Discipline
For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete tantrum the next. Instead of combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a main feeling under it
• The majority of mad children are actually anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be addressed first. As an example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on addressing that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really upset because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s tough since you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s use teens in our following example … Teenage Discipline
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to get from our child, we must agree to offer before anyone else. If I am impolite, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen simply since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the example as well as show your young adult that you value their opinion, and you value them as a person. Teenage Discipline
This does not imply you have to be a pushover. Yet it does indicate you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Teenage Discipline
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anybody to deal with the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Teenage Discipline
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to resolve disputes, and also even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Teenage Discipline
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not think just how much you’ve transformed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any person that is serious about growing to be a more positive mom or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Teenage Discipline
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Teenage Discipline
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